


Madness To The Method

by grand_mephy



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Paranormal, Canon-Typical Violence, Conspiracy Theories, Gen, It's actually hilarious, Mild Referential Spoilers, Multi, Saihara The Only Sane Man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11438925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grand_mephy/pseuds/grand_mephy
Summary: Ostracised for exposing the truth on a well-loved fashion icon, Saihara Shuuichi is desperate for work. He finds it in SAISHUU, a paranormal investigation agency that pays well as long as he can handle his terrifying boss and his eccentric colleagues. But he never expected to have a partner on his first day, much less one whose investigation deals with an Arch-Demon of Despair... trapped in a teddy."And that'sdefinitelynot a lie.""... Right." Saihara clears his throat. "Okay." He looks at Ouma, who grips the edge of his seat with stars in his eyes. "Okay. I don't mean to be rude, but. I need some coffee to digest this information."[NDRV3 The Office AU: Paranormal Edition]





	1. Meeting The Denizens, Wondering If They're Qualified

**Author's Note:**

> This was way funner to write than I expected.
> 
> EDIT: This fic was written before the ENG release of V3 so I apologise for any, uh, jarring usage of honorifics and terms. In the JP translation, Ouma refers to everyone with the suffix "—chan"; Momota refers to everyone by their family names except for Gonta, "Shuuichi" (the equivalent to the localized "bro") and "Harumaki" (meaning "spring roll"). In this fic he, along with Saihara, call Akamatsu by her first name. 
> 
> And in the JP game, Gonta doesn't speak broken Japanese, so I didn't write him with his caveman speak. He, Tenko and Angie all refer to themselves in the third person, and Angie calls everyone by their first names. I also prefer " _men_ aces" than "degenerate males" for Tenko.
> 
> Sorry if this seems full on. Not sure if I'll publish a "localized" version, but I hope you enjoy this story regardless!

Enoshima Junko is a bitch and Saihara would never admit that out loud, ever. But he thinks it, the victims of her crimes think it, the managers of her awfully lucrative career  _probably_  think it, but would never, ever, admit it in a million years. Because Enoshima Junko is a psycho, and a bitch, and has far more influence than Saihara expected.  
  
Which is why he finds himself struggling in the streets of Saitei Jokyo, a city running amok with beggars, stone-throwers, drive-by shooters, and compulsive gamblers; crooks, swindlers, scammers, racers; traitors, psychos, monsters, and liars. And, apparently, paranormal activity. Saihara reads the ad in the newspaper once more. SAISHUU, a paranormal investigation agency. Printed in bold with lots of tiny, ghost-shaped hearts.  
  
If his circumstances hadn't been so dire Saihara would have scoffed at the ad, slipped on his sunglasses and summoned a limousine to drive him to the nearest crime scene. But he can't hijack crime scenes like he always does in his fantasies, as fun as that would be. Exposing Enoshima's secrets screwed him over badly and now, investigation agencies all over Japan are wary of his name.  
  
It doesn't matter if he did the right thing. What matters is that he crossed a line nobody else (alive) had the balls to do so, and now Saihara is stuck in a backwater city looking at a goddamn ad about ghostbusters.  
  
Well... the job description says he'd be able to investigate, at least...  
  
Saihara sighs. He does what he has to for the truth, right? And who knows: maybe the agency's just one big scam he can expose for some good media money.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Saihara gets the job. He has never been more terrified in his life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"What's with the long face, Shyhara? Lost your virginity in a dinghy nightclub bathroom somewhere?"  
  
Saihara rearranges the documents on his desk with a sigh. "No, Iruma-san, I didn't. And could you please get my coffee."  
  
"Get it yourself, limp dick! I've got other shit to do!"  
  
"No, you don't," he retorts with a baffled expression. "You're an intern, Iruma-san, your job is to make coffee and help around. And I don't see anyone asking for your help."  
  
The busty intern, in all her inappropriately attired glory, loses some of her bite. "T-That's only 'cause they asked me hours ago! Gotta catch up on the backlog, ya know? Not that it's my  _problem_  if you're all too cramped move your asses! Hyahahahaha!"  
  
Saihara shakes his head as Iruma departs. He will never understand why Angie hired someone like her, unless, of course, her god told her so.  
  
He shudders. Going into this job, he never thought his boss would be as eccentric as her business model and as  _terrifying_  as a rabid chihuahua. Their first meeting is up there with Enoshima's trial as one of the worst experiences of Saihara's life, only beaten by the fact that Enoshima's followers made up most of the jury, and that one of them nearly strangled him with a cashmere scarf.  
  
Good times.  
  
Saihara opens a folder and scans the contents. As the agency's newest member (he's only recently come in and has yet to meet the bulk of the staff) Angie tasked him with leafing through the cold cases to see if one could be revived. "In this business, cold cases are no biggie once the spirit comes back or the curse is passed down and stuff. In fact, Kami-sama thinks Shuuichi would like tying up loose ends!"  
  
She's not wrong; Saihara does like irrefutable solves. And there are a  _ton_  of cold cases; a whole box in fact, filled to the brim with crumpled, corner-curling pages. All of them insane. Some mere crayon drawings.  
  
Saihara leans back on his seat. "Could be worse," he mutters, tracing the ceiling rafters with his one visible eye. "Could be in jail," he mutters again, just as a hand claps his shoulder. Saihara turns around and blanches when he sees his boss' cheery face.  
  
"Wo~ow, you look hard at work!" Angie laughs. "Sorry, Angie's gonna have to interrupt you for our super fun daily work ritual!"  
  
"Is... that what I think it is?" Saihara tentatively asks, broaching the subject with the intent of avoiding it. Angie nods, the pearls of her bracelet clinking portentously.  
  
"Of course, silly! Kami-sama needs his daily blood intake! Now come on, Kami-sama won't take no for an answer!"  
  
If you told Saihara months ago that one day, he would be working under a crazy religious boss bent on siphoning his blood, he would have stared at you, hard, and checked if you had a wristband. As it stands, Angie has no such thing, but Saihara wonders if she should for the sake of his rationality.  
  
From Angie's babbling as she drags Saihara along the green and golden striped corridors of their decrepit workplace, his colleagues are used to her 'ritual'. "So they should all be there! Well, most of them, a lot are still investigating or taking breaks because as you know, supernatural never sleeps~!"  
  
She stops them before a conspicuous nook in the wall, in which a pole rests innocently. Saihara notes the nook's thin, bumpy wallpaper and wonders if a door was meant to be there.  
  
To his great surprise (and shame as a detective), Angie grabs the pole and pokes the ceiling hatch obscured in the nook's darkness.  
  
" _Kaito~o_ , come out! It's ritual time~!"  
  
A rough baritone resounds from above. " _Go away!_ "  
  
"But Kami-sama wants your blood~! And if you disrespect him, nothing good will come out of your life!"  
  
Saihara hasn't met this 'Kaito' yet, but he's glad he isn't the only sane guy in this building.  
  
That's what he thinks, until the hatch opens and a giant red globule drops to the floor. Upon closer inspection, Saihara realises it's a small drip bag.  
  
An IV drip bag. Full of  _blood_.  
  
Angie picks it up with a frown. "Kami-sama prefers fresh blood, Kaito!"  
  
" _I'm already fucking diseased as is, Angie, take it and leave!_ "  
  
"Kami-sama can make you better!" she counters. Saihara thinks he hears a snort. He eyes the bag in her hands with a cold feeling.  
  
"Is that," he starts, and says no more.  
  
Angie drags him to the break room which, really, should  _not_  be the location of an unhygienic blood ritual. Saihara recognises some faces from orientation earlier: Iruma, who looks mortified by her inclusion; Shinguuji Korekiyo, the archiver who set off Saihara's murder radar the second he met him; Hoshi Ryoma, who he exchanged terse hellos with; and Tenko Chabashira, who glared at him for a good thirty seconds before deeming him 'untainted', whatever that meant. Saihara is shoved in between the latter two as Angie skips to the center of their group circle.  
  
"Welcome, everyone~! I'm glad you all took the time to give some blood for Kami-sama! He says he's very happy and wishes you well in all your investigations-slash-job duties. Slash slash~!"  
  
"Slash indeed," Shinguuji says, which — okay.  
  
"Now," Angie claps her hands, "as you know, we have a special new workmate with us! Say 'hi' Shuuichi!"  
  
"Hello," he says tentatively. Beside him, Hoshi shakes his head.  
  
"This is Shuuichi's first time, so everybody be nice! Especially you Miu~!"  
  
"C-Course I will! This isn't my first time guiding a virgin in an orgy!"  
  
"Your lies are just as ridiculous as Ouma's," Hoshi sighs, sounding like a sage trapped in time.  
  
"N-No they're not! Don't compare me to that shitty shota!"  
  
"Shush!" Chabashira hisses. "Don't interrupt Angie-san when she's doing her ritual! The phantom in you  _men_ ace really is inconsiderate!"  
  
"Your idea of a phantom is a phantom in of itself," Hoshi retorts, twisting his candied stick so he can nibble the other end. "If I can't sniff it then it's not real. You should know that, Chabashira."  
  
"Tenko knows what she sees! It's a foul, hot-blooded thing in your veins! Tenko is glad that Saihara-san himself doesn't exhibit the phantom!"  
  
Saihara gulps at the attention. It's one thing to be next to a raving ghost whisperer and  _the_  Killer Tennis. It's another to be sitting between them, squirming under their expectant gaze. "I — I'm glad too, Chabashira-san..." he mumbles.  
  
"Oka~ay, that's great and all, but everyone! Please! Kami-sama needs sus~te~nance!" Angie puffs her cheeks. "So get your syringes! Even you Miu~!"  
  
Saihara glances at the sudden commotion, utterly lost. Thankfully, Hoshi takes pity on him. "Sorry you have to do this," he says, sterilising a syringe tip with a wet tissue. "You probably didn't think Yonaga was serious when she outlined it on the contract. Safe to say that we all didn't think so the first time, too."  
  
"Is she...?" Saihara asks, but Hoshi shakes his head.  
  
"She's not mental, if that's what you mean. She's just... extremely devoted to her god. Trust me, this ritual is tame compared to what happens over in her home island. Here it's a lot more... consensual."  
  
Saihara watches Iruma whimper after a particularly hard jab to her forearm. "Doesn't seem so to me."  
  
Hoshi chuckles. "I suppose. But if you insist hard enough, she'll let you go. That's how Momota gets out of these rituals. That, and he doesn't like seeing the blood being wasted."  
  
Saihara wonders why the name sounds so familiar when Hoshi offers him a syringe, asking, "Do you want to do the honours?"  
  
Saihara looks at the thing with a raised brow. "Not really," he says, but he takes it all the same. With a deep breath, he plunges the needle into his arm. It hurts, of course, but it's the price for initiation. Plus he doesn't want to look weak in front of  _the_  Killer Tennis, who takes the full force of the needle with graceful nonchalance.  
  
Angie collects their newly-filled syringes with a bright smile. "Thank you everyone~! Kami-sama says that he's very grateful." She empties their blood in a small, terracotta pot on the floor, the drip bag trickling beside. "Of course, we have to send our wishes. Don't worry Shuuichi, the words are  _super_  easy to follow, and if you mess up, you just have to appease Kami-sama!"  
  
Saihara promises not to mess up.  
  
"Oka~ay, everybody good? Let's go!"  
  
The words  _are_  easy in part of the slow melody. Saihara eases his nervousness with the gentle chant, ignoring how creepy this inherently is, and tries not to squeal too much when cold hands clamp around his eyes--  
  
"UwAHH—!"  
  
He stumbles forward, nearly toppling the pot of blood (which has turned a shimmering pink — wait,  _what_ ) and hears obnoxious giggling from behind him.  
  
"Nishishi~! I scared the new guy real good!"  
  
"How annoying," says a person Saihara hasn't met. She pulls at her witch hat and pouts like a wronged duckling. "Tenko, hold him down while I replenish my mana."  
  
"Will do, Yumeno-san!"  
  
"Don't," Hoshi says, but it's too late; Chabashira has the stranger pinned down like a pro. Saihara's eyes widen. The stranger, all round cheeks and spindly, indigo hair, grins up at him.  
  
"Hello~o," he singsongs, arm twitching under Chabashira's grasp: a failed effort to initiate a handshake. "My name is Ouma Kokichi, but you can call me your new partner!"  
  
Saihara blinks. "Your... what?"  
  
To his right, Iruma sniggers.  
  
"Stop talking,  _men_ ace! Don't taint Saihara-san with your contrived nonsense!" Chabashira looks up. "Yumeno-san, are you ready?"  
  
"Not yet... I need my howling wind soundtrack to focus better..."  
  
"Oh, Angie will get it!"  
  
Ouma gasps. "Angie-chan, you're betraying me?!"  
  
Angie's expression suddenly darkens, the pearly white of her smile paralysing Saihara. "Kami-sama isn't pleased with your interruption,  _Koki~ichi_. If you don't want to get smited, you're gonna have to appease him." She makes a peace sign. " _Two_ offerings should be enough~"  
  
"But I'm anemic!"  
  
"Nyahaha~! That's no excuse!"  
  
Saihara watches the ensuing commotion in muted horror. "This — does not look consensual at all."  
  
"It's not," Hoshi says. "But it's Ouma."  
  
"So..?"  
  
"He deserves it." As Hoshi chuckles, Ouma's sobbing increases in volume. "Welcome to SAISHUU, Saihara."

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
**Case Title: The Conspiracy of Enoshima and Her Demon Teddy Bear**  
**Status: Ongoing**

 

 

* * *

 

 

After the aforementioned events, Saihara is dragged to his boss' office.  
  
"Thanks for your cooperation earlier, Shuuichi! Kami-sama is ve~ery impressed with you!" Angie beckons him to sit. "Now as you know, Kokichi here spoiled your  _very_  special surprise.  _And_  interrupted Kami-sama's ritual, but that's okay~! He made up for it!"  
  
Ouma sniffles. Saihara tentatively ignores him. "What is this... surprise?"  
  
"When you applied, Angie did a background check on you. You know, to make sure you weren't a revengeful spirit or anything! And you're not! Bu~ut, you did a very impressive thing that caught Angie's interest!" She gestures to his colleague. "And Kokichi's, too."  
  
"Oh, that's right!" Suddenly, Ouma bounces on his seat. "Saihara-chan, you're amazing! I wish  _I_  could've been there! How was it? Did you get booed? Did the president come to congratulate you?"  
  
Saihara balks. "H-Hold on! What are you saying all of a sudden? And Saihara- _chan_?"  
  
"Do you want to be called Saishuu-chan, instead?" Ouma giggles. "You can be our mascot and wear a big ghost costume!"  
  
"I — I don't..."  
  
Angie claps her hands. "Shuui~ichi," she purrs, "you had Junko sent to prison, didn't you~?"  
  
Saihara stills. "T-That's—"  
  
"—very impressive, we know. Especially with her position of power." He's surprised at Ouma's sudden tone, the cheer replaced with something almost bitterly bored. "Enoshima has done a lot of bad things and killing her sister was only one of them. But she gets away with it a lot, so it's really cool that someone like you managed to put her where she belongs. But I wonder if she  _wanted_  that to happen..?"  
  
Saihara clears his throat. "Generally, the accused don't want to go to jail. But... she did seem calm during the trial. She voiced her regrets and accepted her conviction without complaint. Frankly speaking, it was her followers that did the fighting for her."  
  
"I wonder why?" Ouma hums. "Frankly speaking, she's a horrible bitch."  
  
Saihara flinches.  
  
Angie laughs. "Yay! It's great you're both getting along! Kami-sama thinks that you two will solve the mystery in no time~!"  
  
"Us two..?"  
  
Ouma giggles. "I told you, Saihara-chan, I'm your new partner. There's  _so_  much you have to catch up on. I can tell you on the way to my desk, so let's go!"  
  
"Wait a second!" Saihara yanks his arm from the other's grip. "Why am I working with you? Is — is Enoshima related to whatever the mystery is?"  
  
"Nishishi~! More than you know."  
  
"And just because I sent her to jail, you think I'm qualified?" When Ouma nods, Saihara turns to Angie. "Is this why you gave me cold cases instead of current ones? Because you planned to put me on this investigation from the start..?"  
  
Angie's smile is cryptic.  
  
"Kami-sama is  _very_  wise."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ouma Kokichi is apparently a liar.  
  
Which may or may not be true, considering — okay. Saihara can sort of see why the others take issue with Ouma.  
  
His partner isn't  _bad_ , per se. Ouma is just... hard to follow. He cracks jokes, has mood swings that seem entirely deliberate, and cloaks his words with, as Chabashira termed it, "contrived nonsense". It's not ideal for someone like Saihara, who has the work ethic of a trained bloodhound.  
  
And as a metaphorical bloodhound, Saihara can smell Ouma's bullshit a mile away. Sometimes he can't, which annoys him, but as Ouma explains his case in increasingly rational nuances, Saihara begins to understand the insanity of it all.  
  
"So you're saying," he says, looking through all the material on Ouma's desk, "that Enoshima Junko summoned a demon of despair—"  
  
"-- _Arch_ -Demon of Despair," Ouma hastily corrects.  
  
"... Right. So she did that... and put it in a teddy bear."  
  
"And that's  _definitely_  not a lie."  
  
"... Right." Saihara clears his throat. "Okay." He looks at Ouma, who grips the edge of his seat with stars in his eyes. "Okay. I don't mean to be rude, but. I need some coffee to digest this information."  
  
"Okay — hey pig!" Ouma suddenly yells, voice resounding in the agency's shared workspace. Nobody looks up, not even Hoshi, who strolls in with an oily paper bag. "Hey Hoshi-chan," Ouma calls when Iruma doesn't come, "have you seen that pig anywhere?"  
  
Saihara doesn't have time to be affronted by such a blatant insult when Hoshi says, "Momota's hungry."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Saihara inclines his head. "'Oh'? What does that mean?"  
  
"Nishishi... It's nothing you need to know yet." Ouma glides from his seat. "How about we get our own coffee? And not Kiiboy's, let's get ours from the cafe downstairs. "  
  
"So tell me about the trial," Ouma says as they sip on their cheap coffee. Cars blare in fits of rage and a cat topples a bag of trash in a nearby alley. He and Ouma lean against the gray brick of the agency, particles of stone protesting against their weight. Saihara hums.  
  
"It's as I said. She was calm and accepting of her fate. Her fans weren't."  
  
"But Saihara-chan, there's gotta be more! Was she in the least bit scared? Ashamed? Confused?  _Angry_?"  
  
Saihara recalls what he can. "I — maybe. At the time, I was... hiding under my cap." He thumbs the brim, smoothing the torn fabric. "The people I'd catch, even their loved ones — I hated the way they'd look at me. Their eyes full of so much hatred... sometimes regret.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, a lot of them deserved it. But, you know." He makes a vague motion with his hand. "The law takes no prisoners."  
  
"Enoshima takes no prisoners," Ouma says.  
  
Saihara raises a brow. "You sound," he starts, before thinking better of it.  
  
Ouma crumples his paper cup. "What, Saihara-chan? Determined? Valiant? Heroic?" He falls to one knee with a dramatic flourish, an arm outstretched and a grin dancing on his cheeks. "Of course I do! That's why I'm doing this investigation after all! To vanquish evil in every corner of the world, and," he winks, "win the heart of my beloved."  
  
"Alright,  _alright_ ," Saihara grumbles, "I'm sorry I tried asking. Now can you get up? People are staring..."  
  
Ouma laughs. "You really are a detective." He stands. "But I wasn't lying, Saihara-chan. I really do want to be a hero."  
  
Looking at him, Saihara can't sense the bullshit in that at all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Technically the whole investigation should be bullshit, because it deals with the  _paranormal_ , for God's sake, and Saihara is a practical, practical man.  
  
He can also be a giant pushover, even when he knows better. So when Ouma leaves him to go chase up Shinguuji for information, Saihara is left wondering where the heck to start. But for the sake of his pay and standard of living, he suspends his disbelief in favour of solving the mystery of... whatever they're meant to be solving.  
  
"I see you survived," says a voice — Yumeno, as Saihara has come to know her by. "Ouma can be really draining on one's mana, so I'm amazed you can still work so intensely."  
  
She... really doesn't look amazed. Saihara nods all the same.  
  
"To be honest, I'm glad you're here," Yumeno continues, taking the seat across him. "Normally I would work with Ouma because he insists on it... but thankfully he said I could do it with you instead."  
  
"Do what..?"  
  
"For starters, we know who the Arch-Demon of Despair is. He has many names, but my coven generally refers to him as Scourge. Like most demons, he has to be invoked... but how is the question." Yumeno pointedly dumps a manila folder on his desk entitled ' _p_ _ossible rituals_ '. "Even though he's widely feared, not much is known about Scourge... except that he's pure evil. What Ouma and I have been doing is leafing through all the rituals that  _can_  be used to invoke him."  
  
Saihara resists the urge to roll his eyes. "How would you be able to narrow down the possibilities?"  
  
"By comparing it to Enoshima's actions. For example... we can rule out a ritual involving a volcano. Because she hasn't been to any volcanoes. We're pretty sure of that..."  
  
"Right... What's in the folder?"  
  
Yumeno flips it open. "Top candidates I picked out this morning. After I heard about your case, I decided to find these."  
  
Saihara blinks. "You've — heard. I guess I should have expected that..."  
  
She nods. "You have great potential, Saihara. You just need to exercise your mana more."  
  
"Sure..."  
  
"I always use my mana, so I'm always drained... But! That's not the point." Yumeno chooses a ritual from the folder: a foreign script inked on a piece of parchment. "The point is, Enoshima killing her sister might be a clue to the invocation."  
  
"But if I recall, she summoned Scourge before the trial happened. At least, that's what Ouma-kun says."  
  
"It's not that killing her sister invoked Scourge; it's that the  _way_  she killed her could be a clue. Murder is a very common invocation requirement, so it's wise not to rule it out. And often the way you appease a spirit is how you invoke them in the first place."  
  
Saihara hums. "So if Enoshima murdered her sister to appease Scourge... then it can be said that murder was how she, uh, invoked him the first place. And by determining a specific modus operandi of killing, we can determine the type of ritual she used."  
  
Yumeno smiles. "I'm glad that you're a straightforward person, Saihara. Even if you seem a bit... boring."  
  
"That's... not something you should say to someone's face."  
  
"But honesty is a policy, right? That's what my momma said, you can ask her yourself."  
  
"Moving on," Saihara diverts.  
  
"Invocation rituals are a lot more complex than those for appeasements. For an Arch-Demon of Despair, that would require a ton of indirect murders." Yumeno shows him the script. "For examples, this ritual requires ten corpses to be suspended over a magic circle made of salt and their trickling blood."  
  
Saihara feels the coffee he drank earlier rise up his throat. "I-I don't think Enoshima would have done something like that," he says with a gulp. "Something of that... absurdity... wouldn't be easy to cover up."  
  
"Maybe," Yumeno says. "From what Ouma's told me, it seems like she can get away with anything... like she has a lot of mana."  
  
"If she can't even get away with her sister's murder, then how would that be possible?" At that moment, he remembers Ouma's words, ghostly as a bell tolling in a foggy sea:   
  
_I wonder if she wanted that to happen..?_    
  
Saihara shakes his head. "What's the next ritual?"  
  
Aside from the weird ten corpse party ritual, Yumeno has six more to choose from. Saihara cross-checks the rituals with Ouma's information, scanning over the murders, presumed deaths and disappearances suspected to be Enoshima's appeasements to Scourge. None of them specifically correlate. Yumeno buries her head in her arms with a sigh.  
  
"Naa... I don't have enough mana to go back and search for more..." She raises a finger. "Give me time to replenish... and imagine the soothing melody of the wind..."  
  
Saihara thumbs the indent of a dog-eared page. The ritual on it is in actual Japanese, thank God, and he reads it in mild disinterest.  
  
"Mutual massacre... even-numbered participants... potent presence of Hope catalytic to... what? What does this say?" The kanji curl and flake like scorched worms, making it nigh illegible. Saihara moves onto the illustrated depiction. It runs like a 4-koma, comic panels depicting various methods of killing:

  * Strangulation
  * Drowning
  * Decapitation
  * Impalement
  * Total body desecration



The graphic violence nauseates Saihara. Paranormal or not, these kinds of killing are unfortunately familiar to him. He continues onto the ritual's last passage expecting more of the same gory instructions.  
  
_Entertainment for the       of t e Invoked,  
c  t Despair,  
cast Co ta   ent of Invoked,_  
  
"This is nonsense," Saihara grumbles.  
  
"Put it in the ' _Maybe_ ' pile," Yumeno yawns.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After Chabashira whisks Yumeno away, Saihara looks over the evidence with a critical eye. Well, calling it 'evidence' is him being nice. They have many clues and many leads, but nothing incredibly substantial, except for the fact that Scourge  _was_  invoked and  _was_  trapped in a teddy bear.  
  
Saihara holds up a selfie Enoshima took in one of her tours, of her lounging in a limo with a stuffed teddy by her side: black and white and adorably unsettling, with a slasher smile and a mangled, red eye. "Something's definitely in there," Hoshi had said when Saihara pleaded for his help. "Ouma bribed me to go to one of her fashion shows, she was promoting a clothing line at the time. July, I think. Forgot the show's name, but everything was designed like that bear. Enoshima brought it onstage at one point, and I could sniff the evil in it. Nasty smell. Like mouldy candy." A pause. "It's worth noting that the bear is custom-designed, too. Nothing like it in stores in and out of the country. Make of that what you will."  
  
From what Saihara gathered, Hoshi is a spirit medium of sorts. The best, too; apparently he's been with Angie long before the agency had an office. Saihara trusts his word only because the ex-tennis player seems to be most reliable out of all his colleagues, and the most sane. Even if he did kill off the mafia.  
  
Having verified that, Saihara thinks. What does he have so far?  
  
He knows Enoshima killed her sister through indirect means — an elaborate Rube Goldberg trap, set off by Ikusaba Mukuro herself. Enoshima's motive was evasively vague, and her reaction to her conviction strangely accepting. Moreover, her followers are still strangely loyal to her.  
  
But according to Ouma, Enoshima committed other crimes. Ones of a highly speculative nature, unlike the murder of her sister. However, after some time, Saihara deduces one common theme for all of them: they were all  _indirect_  methods of killing.  
  
"Enoshima didn't commit the crimes herself: someone else did," he says to a recently arrived Ouma. "But they were likely her bidding."  
  
Ouma squeals. "Saihara-chan, you're  _amazing_! I knew I could count on you~! Okay, so," he sidles next to him with renewed vigour, "if the theme is 'indirect methods of killing', then the invocation ritual  _must_  be like that."  
  
"Right," Saihara says, still dizzy from Ouma's praise. "But our problem now is determining which one of these crimes is the ritual, since they all share that theme."  
  
"Well, what did you find from Yumeno-chan?"  
  
"Not much. None of the rituals she gave me correlated to the crimes. So either we don't have the right ritual... or the right crime."  
  
"Hm." Ouma bites his lip. "Hm hm hm hm~"  
  
Saihara hesitates. "If I can ask... what's the point of determining the invocation ritual? And what's the point of this case... if Enoshima is already in jail..?"  
  
"Nishishi... Saihara-chan really is a detective. Well  _obviously_ , if we know what brought Scourge to our realm, then we can figure out how to exorcise him! Course, when the time comes, that's Chabashira-chan's job~"   
  
Then with sobering cheer, Ouma plucks the selfie from him. "And it doesn't matter if Enoshima is in jail, because her influence is still very palpable. Her famous teddy design is being recreated all around the world. In fact, the teddy himself has disappeared." Ouma narrows his eyes. "You know, Momota-chan thinks she has a successor to carry her legacy... Maybe that's why she went to prison willingly, don't you think?"  
  
"It seems possible... Theatrically insane, but possible." Saihara regards this. "In fact, it seems a lot for you to bear alone."  
  
"Oh, I'm not alone. I've got everyone's help~! I'm a supreme leader, you see, and Angie-chan is just a figurehead for my  _evil_  organisation."  
  
He laughs. "Of course, that was a lie~!"  
  
"I knew," Saihara intones, already becoming used to his partner's bullshit.  
  
"But ignoring that~" Ouma continues, "I think we made  _great_  progress on the invocation side of things. And since Enoshima is in jail thanks to you, we can focus on who her successor could be."  
  
"Could be one of her followers," Saihara muses. "You mentioned someone called Momota. What does he have to say?"  
  
Ouma looks at him.  
  
"Saihara-chan, what's your blood type?"  
  
"Uh... Type AB. Why..?"  
  
"Nishishi... It's nothing. I think you and him will get along  _ju~ust_  fine."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Saihara watches with bated breath as Ouma pokes the ceiling hatch. "Momota-chan! Me and my cute partner want to talk to you~!"  
  
"I-I'm not," Saihara stammers, just as the hatch opens.  
  
"Partner? Since when did we get a newbie?" Saihara gasps as lavender eyes peer from the darkness. "Huh? Is that a guy or a girl, I can't tell."  
  
"That's rude to ask, Momota-chan! Saihara-chan is very much a guy!"  
  
"How am I supposed to tell with your fucking honorifics," Momota mutters, pulling something inconspicuous so a ladder extends towards them. "Come on up. And  _don't_  make me regret it."  
  
"Don't worry, Saihara-chan," Ouma says as he clambers up the rungs. "He won't bite."  
  
His giggle does not ease Saihara's concerns.  
  
Climbing into the attic, the first thing Saihara notes is the smell. Kizami, and a metallic tang he  _knows_ but can't place. Green, plastic glow-in-the-dark stars provide the only lighting in the black room. Momota is a silhouette of spiky hair.  
  
"Nice to meet you," he says in that rough baritone. "So, you're Kochi's partner now?"  
  
Ouma makes a noise of disgust. Saihara blinks. "Uh, yeah, I am? Ouma's partner?"  
  
"Yeah? Why do you sound so unsure?"  
  
"Because you're calling me by that stupid name," Ouma grumbles. "How would  _you_  like it if I called you Kaito-chan?" The outlines of Momota's face twist into a grimace. "See? Not so funny now, right? This is what bullies like you deserve, a taste of your own medicine~"  
  
"What do you  _want_ ," Momota growls. "And hurry up, I'm already starting to regret this."  
  
"Isn't he impatient~?" Ouma mock-whispers in Saihara's ear, much to the latter's fright, before turning back to their colleague. "Well, Momota-chan, if you  _must_  know, Saihara-chan and I made progress on the case! Because of that, we want to focus on the successor."  
  
"Successor..? I called them understudy, didn't I?"  
  
"Times have changed, idols have bitched~ Enoshima's in jail thanks to my new partner, so that understudy would've been promoted."  
  
"Oh, so you're  _that_  Saihara." Momota snorts, startling the detective. "People hate your guts, you know that? No wonder you ended up in this place. Ah, well, good job and all. At least you cut off the snake's head."  
  
"Yeah! He's amazing, isn't he~?"  
  
"... Can he talk?"  
  
"Uh — I'm — yeah," Saihara stammers.  
  
There's a moment of silence — his eyes having adjusted to the darkness, Saihara can see Momota blink appraisingly at him. "I can," Saihara emphasises. "And — I'd like to talk about the case now, if that's alright with you."  
  
"No, it's not. So fuck off."  
  
Saihara flinches. "W-What?"  
  
"Seriously? You give me the opportunity to snub you and you're surprised." Momota scoffs. "Can't believe you managed to survive Enoshima's trial..."  
  
"Momota-chan," Ouma says lowly, "why are you being rude to my new partner?"  
  
"Because he sounds like he'll topple over in a fucking  _breeze_."  
  
"At least he's smarter than you and can make  _actual_   _connections_  with evidence."  
  
" _Yeah_? How's he gonna do that if he's got no fucking evidence to connect with?!"  
  
"Look," Saihara interjects, sensing the beginning of a brawl, "all I want is to do my job, go home and drown myself in a bottle of wine. And wonder if everything I've learned today is a hallucination, because my boss is a religious nut, my partner is searching for a  _teddy bear_  and," he gestures to Momota, "you live in an attic and have access to  _drip bags_. So  _please_ , can we just get this done and over with?"  
  
Saihara waits for the moment when he'll regret everything he's said. But as it turns out — he doesn't. Because it's all true, and dammit, he deserves to  _vent_.  
  
Momota's laugh is lively.  
  
"You're not spineless after all," he says when it dies down. "That's good to know! Can't have a weak-willed detective running around chasing — you-know-whats. Uh, anyway! You want the info, yeah?"  
  
" _Obviously_ , Momota-chan," Ouma huffs.  
  
"Shut up, Kochi, gimme a sec." Momota fiddles with something that comes to life — a computer screen, harshly and suddenly illuminating his face. Saihara's breath hitches when he sees his purple goatee.  
  
He's definitely seen Momota before. And  _not_  in a good way.  
  
"Does Momota," Saihara whispers to Ouma in a low, low voice, "have a criminal record?"  
  
Ouma blinks. "Yes... why? Wait — oh man, you're not saying you—!"  
  
"I think —  _I think_  — I was an intern for the investigation team that caught him. Did he break into a blood bank?"  
  
"And steal specimens from a uni lab? And vandalise a gothic mansion? And delete ghost articles on Wikipedia?"  
  
Saihara stares.  
  
"You probably don't know about those," Ouma cheerily adds. "But yep! Momota-chan stole a lot of blood bags that one time."  
  
"Wait — so he's done it  _multiple_  — you know what, I won't even ask." Saihara sighs. "Though there was one thing that bothered me about his case. He claimed all the blood in the bags were rotten, but that was disputed. I never got to find out the reason why he stole them."  
  
"You really like to satiate your curiosity, huh? If that's the case, then give me your arm."  
  
Saihara balks. " _Why?_ "  
  
"You're curious, aren't you~?"  
  
Tentatively, Saihara offers his arm.  
  
Oum pulls out a business card. "Did you know that if you angle the edge of a piece of paper just right, you can turn it into a blade?"  
  
"Huh?" Saihara says, just as Ouma slices his finger.  
  
_Wha_ \--  
  
"O-OW!" He tears his hand from his grip. "Why did you—?!"  
  
" _Shit—!_ "  
  
Rapid curses drown out Saihara as Momota stumbles away from them. "Shit, fuck,  _fuck_ ," he splutters, grabbing a coat and clumsily wrapping it around his head, "fucking  _hell_ , Kochi, get him away  _now_ —"  
  
"But he's your type!"  
  
" _Now!_ "  
  
"I-I don't understand," Saihara stammers as Ouma coaxes him down the ladder. "Why did you  _cut_  me and why — why was he—?"  
  
" _Get Iruma!_ " Momota yells.  
  
"Oh, you'll figure it out~" Ouma cups his hands over his mouth. "Hey, pig! Come over here!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So when Hoshi-kun said he was hungry—"  
  
"Yep."  
  
Saihara glances between Ouma and the nook in the corridor, where the hatch is, and pieces all the clues together.  
  
He reaches a terrifying and fantastical conclusion.  
  
"Don't be scared," Ouma says to a blanching Saihara. "I told you, Momota-chan won't bite. Not unless you want him to, and if he's  _really_  desperate. Like he is now, because of me. Oh, and your blood type. So it's your fault, too."  
  
" _My_  fault? You're the one who didn't tell me he was a  _vampire_!"  
  
"But I didn't want to scare you! Momota-chan's my oldest horrible friend and I wanted you two to get along!"  
  
"Right. Because your actions  _clearly_  reflect that."  
  
"That's right! Now you know to never show up bloody before him."  
  
Saihara shakes his head. "Okay, fine. He's a vampire, you're — worst. And I'm at risk around him."  
  
"No, you're not! Trust me!"  
  
He can't tell if Ouma is a hundred percent bullshitting, so Saihara waves over a fellow colleague. "Shinguuji-kun, am I safe if I'm anywhere near Momota if I have the blood type he likes?"  
  
The tall man considers this for a moment. "I would say yes, but Momota-kun has a short temper and may not always maintain control over his condition. Moreover, scenting a single drop of blood can easily set him off."  
  
Saihara looks pointedly at Ouma.  
  
"So anyway," the latter says without missing a beat, "once Momota-chan and the pig are done we'll go get our information, figure out who the successor is and surveil them intensely. Oh, and find out where that bear went! And how to exorcise him!"  
  
Shinguuji chuckles. "My, you two have a lot to do. I wish I could be of more help, beyond providing my thoughts on the culture in which Scourge originates."  
  
"Don't worry, you're already more reliable than Ouma-kun," Saihara says, ignoring said partner's sniffle. "Although I do wonder about that, Shinguuji-kun. Would that help us in any way?"  
  
"Of course. That was how I helped Ouma-kun identify it was Scourge." He looks away. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but Angie-san is expecting me. Might I recommend you two take a break?"  
  
Ouma pouts. "Take a break from each other? But we've only just met..."  
  
"A coffee break," Shinguuji clarifies, sounding curt. "And if it pleases your sensibilities, a coffee 'date'."  
  
"D-Date?"  
  
And that's how Saihara finds himself sitting in the break room, in the place where a blood ritual occurred only hours ago, sitting across his new partner for an agency that deals with the paranormally insane. Whitewashed walls, a kitchen tiled green with mould, holding cheap, white appliances spattered with red and grainy foodstuffs. How romantic. Saihara wants to flee.  
  
"So," Ouma says, tracing the rim of his mug, "when did you know you wanted to become a detective, Saihara-chan~?"  
  
"... Since I was young." Saihara clears his throat. "I was an assistant at my uncle's detective agency, I helped out whenever I could. One time I... managed to solve a case faster than the police. And I guess my life was decided then and there."  
  
"Ooh! Tell me about the case! Did you catch them red-handed? Chase them down an alley?"  
  
Saihara stares hard into his coffee. "I was with the police when they apprehended him. That was it."  
  
"Really? I was  _kinda_  expecting more."  
  
"You want more? That day was the worst day of my life. The man I helped catch — his family was tricked and driven to suicide by the victim. I'm not saying that the culprit was in the right but..." He grips his cap. "I felt guilty all the same.  
  
"That day taught me something important. That justice and crime isn't a black-and-white affair, that things like revenge and heartache and suffering and desperation... can blur the line between criminal and citizen. Sometimes... that line isn't even there."  
  
"Is that why you haven't turned us in?" He looks up at Ouma, whose mouth slightly curled. Saihara's chuckle is light and humorless.  
  
"Maybe," he says. "Or maybe Angie-san's blood ritual did something to me."  
  
"Of course it did! That was her sneaky way for you to make a pact with her god~!"  
  
Saihara blanches. "That's not true... right?"  
  
"Nope, that was a lie!"  
  
Goddammit. He should have known.  
  
"Still, to trick a family into suicide... what a horrible crime." For an instant, a dark look passes over Ouma's face. "And not to be presumptuous, Saihara-chan, but that method of killing is rather... indirect, don't you think?"  
  
Saihara stills at the implication. "I — suppose. But that's just a coincidence."  
  
"Or a clue. Do you still have the details on the case?"  
  
"N-No, I — I put it all behind me." Saihara lowers his mug. "Ouma-kun, you're not seriously relating the two? That murder happened when I was still a teenager, saying that it could be a possible invocation ritual, even an appeasement, is just—"  
  
"Contrived?" For the first time since they met, Ouma fixates that dark, mocking smile on Saihara. "I'm not making connections for fun, Saihara-chan."  
  
"That's not what I meant—"  
  
Ouma cuts him off. "I don't know how you investigated in your dear uncle's agency or all other agencies after that, but here in SAISHUU, we thrive on coincidence. That's because we believe in things you silly rational detectives don't — truths  _far_  beyond your level of understanding.  
  
"So trust me when I say that coincidences can be clues, and clues lead to answers. All the stuff you failed to understand, like Momota-chan's motive or Enoshima's blind acceptance, were only answered because you came to this agency." Ouma taps his right temple with a pale finger. "Madness to the method, Saihara-chan. Remember that well."  
  
Saihara regards him with a wide eye, the mug in his fingers growing colder by each second he stares and stares and understands.  
  
"You're right," he admits, never lifting his gaze. "Since coming here I've discovered things that I never would've found possible. I've become more open-minded to the world and its possibilities, to the madness you speak of. And if I'm really going to resign myself to working with you... I need to prove that.  
  
"So, Ouma-kun. Tell me." Saihara glares. "What is your grudge against Enoshima Junko?"  
  
The door slams open. Saihara jolts in his seat as cackling fills the room.  
  
"Wassup, losers! I heard you're having a date here an' I thought I'd just drop by an' tell you it ain't gonna work out, 'cause you're dealing with the devil here, Shyhara!" Iruma claps Ouma's shoulder with a shaky grin. "Forget Enoshitma, shota boy here is'sa true devil! So if ya wanna get down and dirty with him you gotta find some salt an' stuff 'cause man, you'll be going through some weird ass shit—"  
  
"Ew, ew, ew, _ew_ —" Ouma smacks her hand and bolts out of his seat, a look of pure disgust etched on his face.  
  
"Huh?" Iruma says, facing to Saihara. "What'sa matter with him? Normally he'd be shouting for me to fuck off like a cheerlead'r on Christmas morning, so whatsup with that?!"  
  
"I-I don't," Saihara stammers. Right when Iruma collapses.  
  
"Oh thank God," Ouma mutters as the coffee machine wails loud enough to be an ambulance siren. "Relax, Kiiboy, she's still alive! She just has major blood loss because of Momota-chan."  
  
Saihara feels the last of his sanity go down the drain. "What," he says, staring at the coffee machine. "Did you just — did  _she_  just—"  
  
"Faint? Yep! Good riddance~!" Ouma kneels down beside Iruma. "Oh look, Momota-chan gave her the 'Get Well' bandaid. How sweet."  
  
" _Ouma-kun_ ," Saihara stresses because this is  _not_  how he expected their conversation to turn into.  
  
Hoshi suddenly appears, bits of fur and dirt smeared on his leather jacket. "What's all this?" he asks, surveying the scene with a cool expression, like one of his colleagues isn't lying  _prone_  on the  _floor_.  
  
Ouma laughs. "Momota-chan got a  _bit_  carried away~"  
  
"Huh. Should I get her a fruit smoothie?"  
  
"For a pig like her, she'll need two."  
  
The coffee machine beeps menacingly.  
  
"I don't understand," Saihara groans.  
  
"Madness to the method, Saihara-chan!" Ouma places his hands behind his head, a grin dancing on his cheeks. "Madness to the method~" 


	2. Are These Third Encounters Really Coincidences?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saihara is a claybaby.
> 
> ... He doesn't believe it either.

This is the last thing Saihara wants to do after his crazy first day: call up his uncle when they haven't spoken to each other in, what, two months? Three? They had quite the falling out. Saihara doubts his uncle forgot. He doubts his uncle ever forgets  _anything_ , which is why he dreads this call as much as he dreads Angie's daily blood rituals.

" _Shuuichi-kun?_ "

"Uncle," Saihara says, ignoring the twitch of his fingers. "How are you?"

" _This is sudden_ ," is the response, and right. Saihara probably should cut to the chase.

"I need the files from that case. You know."

A pause. " _The one with_ _Murasame? You've avoided that name like the plague. Why would you want it now?_ "

"Closure," Saihara lies. "I've found work. A fresh start. I just... I wanted to..."

" _No, I understand. You want to face the past, right? Harden yourself up and all. Especially after the whole Enoshima fiasco._ "

"Right. Well... you know my email."

" _And you know where the agency is._ "

Saihara frowns. "I don't really want to drop by. Everyone will just hassle me about the case... like they did with you. Remember? You thought Fukawa Touko was a serial killer because of a haircut."

" _I still think she was the same person_ ," his uncle huffs.

"Putting that aside, can you just email me the files? Please?"

A tinny sigh. " _One day, Shuuichi-kun, the world will be devoid of technology. Emails will cease to exist and face-to-face conversations will become the standard. It will be glorious for old bastards like me. Hellish for youngsters like you._ "

"I'm not a teenager anymore, Uncle."

" _I hope not. Criminal investigation isn't a game of cops and robbers, you know that?_ " Saihara rolls his eyes. " _Haha._ _Of course you do. It's why you went after Enoshima even when I told you not to. Whether or not that was the right decision... well. You decide._

" _I'll have the case sent by tomorrow. In the meantime, tell me about your new placement._ "

Saihara has an excuse on the ready, sleep and tire weighing on his eyelids. But it probably wouldn't hurt to vent, and besides, he owes it to his uncle. It seems that heated words dissipate over time. Saihara's glad for it.

He's also glad (and a little bit peeved) every time his uncle interrupts his rant with a throaty laugh, because even  _he_  doesn't believe a coffee machine can be possessed by a ghost.

" _Gwahaha! Are you sure this isn't a joke?_ "

"Believe me, Uncle," Saihara intones. "This is the sort of stuff I can't make up."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Shyhara! I was wondering when you'd show up!"

Saihara halts at the cup thrust to his face. "Huh? Is that for me?"

"Yeah, consider it a good job for not bailing! I thought you'd be a runner after everything that happened yesterday, but you got more balls than I expected. So here," Iruma shoves the cup forward, "I got ya a latte with a fuckton of cream, just the way you like it!"

"Didn't I say I liked mine black..?"

Her eyes bulge. "Wait —  _seriously_? You're into the strong shit?!" Saihara nods. "Gee, who'd have thought. Eh, whatever, just take vampboy's, he lives off blood anyway. Fucking went crazy and drank me up like a tall glass yesterday. The hell did you do to make him like that?"

"Why don't you ask Ouma-kun," Saihara retorts. He can still feel the phantom pain in his finger, right where he fixed it with a band-aid. Thinking back on it, the business card hurt like a  _bitch_.

"Hyahaha! Should'a known, that shota's always causing trouble! Too bad you're stuck with him for all eternity." Iruma switches cups from the tray she holds and offers Saihara a murky black mixture. "He seems to like you a real lot, too. Course I don't know what he's on about, you look like a massive pervert with that cap."

He's... not going to dignify that with an answer. "Thanks," Saihara says,  _clearly_  indicating to the coffee. "Just to be clear, this is normal coffee? There isn't any blood in this?"

"What, you think I'm so easy I'd just give my blood away?"

"You gave in pretty easily yesterday. Well... after Momota-kun yelled at you."

Iruma flinches. "Th-That's 'cause he couldn't resist me! I'm the only one in this shitty place who can give him what he wants! I take that seriously, ya know?!"

Anybody who's willing to be a vampire's dinner shouldn't be taken seriously  _at all_ , but Saihara gives her the benefit of the doubt. If only because he feels mildly sorry for what happened yesterday, even it hadn't been his fault. In his opinion, Iruma is low on his list of weirdos affiliated with the paranormal. Even if she did befriend a ghost... who helps her make coffee everyday... amongst other duties.

Saihara sets to work as Iruma (belatedly) hands out the rest of the coffee. He does jolt in his seat when Chabashira dashes in, her pinwheeled hair accessory spinning like helicopter blades.

"Guess what, everyone! Tenko just exorcised a big mean  _men_ ace downtown! WHO~OO!"

"Aw, yes! Which one is it — Sworddick McGee or Doc Divorce? NO, WAIT!" Iruma holds out a hand. "Is it the guy who possessed his own twin 'cause the twin backstabbed him and had sex with the girl he liked, and they ended up together, and the guy didn't like that, so he tried to murder his bro, but he died instead, and he couldn't go to the afterlife and stuff 'cause he had regrets, so he wanted revenge?"

"That's the one!" The two girls high five with roaring cheer. A little beep echoes somewhere in Iruma's skirt, which — okay. Saihara looks away and tries to convince the part of him that's still in denial to  _wake the hell up_. Because this is his life now. The sooner he accepts that, the better.

A cursory check of his inbox reveals no new emails. Saihara leans back on his seat and remembers his conversation last night.

Truth be told, he isn't just waiting on the case files. His uncle had offered to do a background check on Angie and the others, something Saihara very nearly refused. But, considering how taken aback he'd been yesterday, what with the blood and the rituals and the investigation... well. He can't work in ignorance, not when half of his colleagues are practically criminals.

Although, Saihara will deny any responsibility if his uncle decides to arrest any of them. The last thing he wants is to be back in a court...

"You came back," Hoshi says, sauntering towards him with a slight smirk. "I thought you would. Not to continue working, but to arrest us."

Saihara awkwardly chuckles. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have the support. Saitei Jokyo police aren't known for their accountability and, well. This job is the only thing I have going for me."

"I understand. It's the same for me." Hoshi tugs down his beanie with a piercing gaze. 'But you'd know that, being the hotshot detective you apparently were."

Saihara looks away. "Hoshi-kun, for what it's worth... No, never mind. I shouldn't assume things."

Hoshi shrugs. "Go ahead. Everybody else has."

"Well... don't take this the wrong way but, I don't think you went on a killing spree on a whim. You must've done it for a good reason. It was unlawful, of course, but frankly speaking, It's the mafia. They've done worse."

Hoshi chuckles. "Hmph, so that's your assumption? That I killed the mafia for a good reason? And that those card playing, drug dealing bastards ultimately deserved it?"

"Is that unreasonable..?"

His colleague ruefully smiles. "No. Not at all. It's a cool assumption... even if it's not true."

Saihara blinks. "Then?"

"Ask Yonaga if you're so curious."

"Right. Sorry."

"If you are," Hoshi says, stepping closer so he can be seen under Saihara's cap, "then it's only fair that you share something personal about yourself. Not about Enoshima, I'm sure Ouma already bothers you anyway. Anything you need to vent about? A big case you didn't solve, or..?"

"I solved all my cases I was assigned to. Then again, they were well within my comfort zone." Saihara thinks. Should he talk about  _that_?... Probably not. "If you want personal then... there was this one case. My uncle's though, I was still an intern at the time. Multiple kidnappings. They were reported missing on separate occasions so naturally, we assumed they were separate incidents. That was until I found a connection. All of them, all fourteen of them... went to the same high school." His fingers clutch the arms of his chair. "My uncle believed me even though I was an intern. It was a clue, he said. I didn't know how it would help but... it did.

"Long story short, they were dead, Major Crimes stepped in and I never got to know why they died. I realised then how serious this line of work was... and what we have to bear witness to."

Hoshi nods knowingly. "It's confronting work. Takes a lot out of you sometimes. Not knowing like that must've hurt."

"A bit. It was a cruel crime."

None of them say anything for a while. The chatter of their colleagues float in the background, a melody to their mindless thoughts. Saihara briefly wonders about the motive when Hoshi smacks his knee, a chuckle drifting from his lips.

"You might find this hard to believe," he says, "but the crimes we investigate are cruel in the same regard. Sure, we're an odd bunch, and the work we do is far from normal. But the stakes are the same. Lives are on the line. We need all the help we can get."

"Like mine," Saihara says.

" _Especially_  yours. You pulled Ouma out of a week-long rut in his investigation. Not everybody can do that. But that's not my point.

"Our work isn't fantasy, Saihara. Someday you'll be going into the field. It won't be pretty, but that day will definitely come." Hoshi shrugs. "It's confronting. And like you said, it's something we have to witness, paranormal or not."

Saihara considers his words. "I think I get what you mean. No matter how crazy it all seems, there's — well, a madness to the method. Am I right?"

Hoshi smiles with no shortage of amusement in his eyes. "Ouma gave you the talk, didn't he?"

"It was more of a lecture." The words creep back into memory: words somersaulting from his partner's curled mouth, provoking the little pride Saihara has as a detective. Enough to provoke a question of his own.

_What is your grudge against Enoshima Junko?_

"Hoshi-kun," he starts, right when a computer explodes.

Okay, it wasn't  _that_  extreme. But the bright spark and the firecracker noise was enough to scare the shit out of Saihara and everybody else in vicinity of the damned device, which is  _still_  burning, what in the actual  _hell—_

"Let's go to the break room," Hoshi suggests just as Iruma starts complaining to Chabashira  _about fucking ninjas taking their job too seriously, like who booby traps their computer, the girl's insane, Tenko—_

Saihara follows Hoshi without resistance.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Oh, Hoshi-kun!"

"Hey Gonta," Hoshi greets to the very large, very intimidating man that turns to them with a... harmless grin. Huh. "You haven't been down here in a while. Something wrong with Momota?"

"Momota-kun's computer broke," Gonta says glancing at the open ceiling hatch. "Gonta's been talking him through how to fix it, but it's very difficult because Gonta's too big to be there with him."

"Makes sense." Hoshi gestures to Saihara. "This is Saihara by the way. He's working with Ouma. Saihara, Gonta, our landlord and repairman. Saved our asses way back when we couldn't afford anything."

"It's nice to meet you —  _ack_!"

"S-Sorry!" Gonta lets go of Saihara's hand. "Gonta is really strong so he can easily hurt people. N-Not that Gonta goes around hurting people! He just wants to help them and stop breaking things accidentally, which is why he became a repairman!"

Saihara rubs his wrist, smile polite. "Makes sense," he says before flinching at the voice that booms right after, belonging to a certain bloodsucker;

" _Hey, Gonta!_   _The hell do I do next?!_ "

"Oh! Um, you should press on the power button for a long time, until a blue screen comes up!"

Saihara furrows his brows. Curiosity gets ahold of him and he asks, "How did Momota-kun break his computer in the first place? Did... did it explode..?"

"Probably not," Hoshi says just as Momota pops into view, peering down at them from his dark domain.

"Oh, hey Hoshi. Saihara." Momota actually looks sheepish when he greets him. "So, uh, how's the finger?"

"Better," the detective says. "Still hurts, though."

"Well, so long as it's clotted. Don't want a repeat of yesterday. Fucking Kiibo migrated into my computer and broke it, all 'cause I got a bit excited..."

Saihara chuckles. "Right, Kiibo... the ghost..."

"Sh-Shut up! Anyway! It ain't my fault! Iruma signed up for this shtick... sorta." Momota scratches his head. "I keep telling her to give me syringes, but that crazy pervert wants to be bit..."

"That reminds me," Hoshi says, "Angie wants you to stop drinking her blood for a while. She thinks it's hampering Iruma's cooperation in the daily ritual."

Gonta perks up. "It's been a while since Gonta took part in Angie-san's ritual," he says. "It wouldn't be gentlemanly of Gonta to neglect Kami-sama, especially when he's watching over all of us!"

Hoshi sighs. "You say that and yet to you, he's a loving grandma..."

Saihara blinks. Waits a while, and says, "Should I ask..?"

Momota snorts. "Will you freak out if you do?"

"Says the one scared of ghosts," Hoshi shoots back.

"Sh-Shut up with that crap!" With a huff, Momota turns to the repairman, staunchly ignoring whatever smug face Hoshi is making. "Gonta, what do I do now?! The blue screen's got all this text on it and it's telling me to press Shift, or something, I can't tell because my eyes are shot and I didn't get enough sleep and — uwaaAAAGGGHGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"

Momota shuts the hatch without missing a beat, and Saihara has only three seconds to wonder why before he turns around and sees...

Huh.

_Huh_?!

"T-Toujou Kirumi?!" he blurts, because there is a woman — no, definite  _ghost_  standing before him. Hands clasped in front of her, pristine and  _transparent_ , wearing a maid's outfit... Toujou Kirumi nods politely.

"You must be Saihara-kun," she says, an eerie echo to her voice that chills Saihara. "It's very nice to meet you. You have obviously heard of me."

"You're dead," Saihara intones. "S-Supposed to be dead," he adds when Hoshi lightly chuckles. 

"I technically am. But after my assassination, I found myself wandering in a state of Limbo, my wish to serve my country unfulfilled. I was... a foul creature, then." Toujou smiles. "I have since been stabilised, thanks to Yumeno-san and Shinguuji-san's efforts."

Saihara stares speechless at her story. Because the woman before him once ran for presidency, at an age when men would fall foaming at the mouth trying to acquire such a position. But not Toujou Kirumi, the candidate, the  _former_  candidate, that everyone thought would win. Saihara meant to vote for her, too.

Toujou Kirumi glances around them. "I hope I didn't disturb your conversation with Momota-kun. I was merely passing by, to help Angie-san organise her files. I'd like to do that as soon as possible, so I have the time to make Ouma-kun lunch and 'hang out' with Chabashira-san. So if you will excuse me," she says, bowing ever so slightly.

So formal! Saihara nods, perhaps too eagerly. "I-It was an honour meeting you," he stammers, holy crap. Toujou nods at him before... phasing into the wall.

Holy  _crap_.

"I told you it'd be confronting," Hoshi says too amusedly.

Saihara gulps. "There are crazier things to come, right?"

"Oh, definitely," Hoshi confirms, just as Gonta starts coaxing Momota out of hiding.

 

  

* * *

 

 

Despite his initial skepticism, Saihara's slowly getting accustomed to the madness behind SAISHUU's method.

It probably helps that Chabashira doesn't find him that, uh. Appalling. Compared to his other male colleagues. Saihara can understand her feelings towards Ouma but, other than that, he's at a loss.

So he asks her, when it becomes clear that said male colleague is late for work. Chabashira rocks on her heels and fiddles with her uniquely-tied pigtail, seemingly searching for an answer. "Um," she says a minute later. "It's kinda hard for Tenko to explain, but in short, most  _men_ aces that Tenko meets have the  _phantom_  running in their veins. So Tenko is always cautious of them, and won't hesitate to throw them across the room if they try and touch her!"

"Th-That's extreme," Saihara says. Thank God he's safe. "If I can ask, what's this phantom you're afraid of..?"

"Ah, i-it's hard for Tenko to explain. The true nature of the phantom doesn't really have an equivalent in modern Japanese. The best Tenko can describe it is 'innate killing potential'."

"Innate killing potential," Saihara intones.

"It's true! Of course," Chabashira hastily adds, "girls can have the phantom too. But, in Tenko's experience, it's more potent in  _men_ aces. That's because, in the ancient days, a demigod failed to exorcise his arch-nemesis from a clay beast who would become the mother of all of humanity. Because of that  _men_ ace's failure, that phantom integrated itself into the genes of every claybaby! Including you and me, Saihara-san!"

"So you're telling me," Saihara says, "that I'm... a claybaby."

"In a broad sense, yes! But you shouldn't worry! We're untainted compared to many  _men_ aces and, Tenko supposes, a few females." She bits her lip. "The woman you and that  _men_ ace Ouma-kun are investigating, she is a true exception! Tenko... has felt her aura... It nearly made her faint..!"

Saihara tamps down his skepticism at her proclaimed origin story and calms her down. Even if what she said made no sense. It's probably a bedtime story Chabashira's parents told her, something harmless to dissuade her from dating.

... Who knows. Saihara's practically grasping at straws here.

Ouma arrives minutes later, inspiring a hateful tangent from Tenko and a round of insults from Iruma. Honestly, Saihara wonders how _anyone_ would be productive in this environment when Ouma slams a hand on his desk.

"SAIHARA-CHAN!" he yells. "We need to solve this case!!"

"Wh-Why are you shouting?!"

"Course, to pump myself up! I really, really,  _really_  wanna get to the bottom of this mystery! Especially since I have you to help me~!" Ouma grins up at him. "So let's go bother Momota-chan and his stupid theories, 'kay?"

Saihara blinks. "Theories—?"

Ouma drags him away before he can finish, something Saihara's unfortunately getting used to. They reach the ceiling hatch in no time, and after several pokes with the stick, Momota pops into view. "Oh hey, good timing," he says, beckoning them up. "I finally got the computer working so lemme just pull up the files, incognito tab this shit."

"That only hides things from your search history, Momota-chan, not your internet provider," Ouma says smugly. "Who kno~ows, maybe an internet ghost will hijack your system just like Kiiboy!"

"Sh-Shut up with that crap! My internet's fine!"

Saihara watches them bicker for a while before asking, "Hey, Momota-kun?" with some trepidation towards the _very real vampire_ before him, "Ouma-kun said you had some theories... And I remember him saying something yesterday about a successor carrying Enoshima's legacy. Is that what it's about?"

Momota whistles. "Wow, you're hawk-eyed."

"It's keen-eyed, you idiot," Ouma snorts.

"Shut up, Kochi. And yeah, that's definitely what it's about! My big theory and all on why Enoshima's gone batshit crazy."

"Momota-chan is a conspiracy theorist," Ouma supplies. "He mostly does boring alien stuff unless we force him to be useful. In fact, all his theories are dumb except for the one related to our investigation. It’s why we’re friends after all!”

Momota scowls, mumbling, “I wish you never latched onto me when we were in elementary...” He pulls up three images on his computer and gestures for them to come closer. "Alright, here's the three candidates. I ranked them from least likely to most likely, based on what I found and the hunches I got."

"Which are questionable in the first place," Ouma quips. "But go on~"

" _Anyway_ , first up is this chick." Momota clicks on an image of a blonde woman and several annotations pop up. "Her name's Akamatsu Kaede. She composes all the music for Enoshima's fashion shows, which is pretty weird, since her piano remixes are fucking nuts, but," he waves a hand, "whatever. She's in Enoshima's groupie, and all her social media posts show a close relationship between them. Drowns herself in Monokuma merch, too."

Saihara furrows his brows. "If that's the case, then why is she ranked so low as a possibility?"

Momota scoffs, "Duh, because it'd be too obvious."

They stare at him.

"What? It's true!"

"You disappoint me," Ouma says. Saihara is inclined to agree with him.

"Whatever! Here," Momota clicks on another image, a green-haired man with a soft smile. "Amami Rantarou, Enoshima's go-to cosmetics guy. He's not really on any social media, except for some Instagram pics of makeovers he's done. There was some talk about his career choices, and his sudden hiatus." Momota directs their attention to a map. "He went to lots of places during that time, but this stood out to me," he says, pointing to the sea. "Some island in the middle of nowhere... Sound familiar?"

"Jabberwock," Ouma mutters.

Saihara blinks. "Jabberwock? What's that?"

"Shinguuji-chan told me all about it. The people who live there, their culture, it's where Scourge originated from."

"It can't be a coincidence," Momota says. "Which is why he's second on the list!"

And a more obvious possibility than the previous one, Saihara notes with some exasperation. "Then the most likely one?" he prompts.  _By your messed up logic_ , goes unsaid.

Momota clicks on a picture of a blue-haired woman. "Shirogane Tsumugi. She's the head manager of the Monokuma fashion clothing line, plus merch. Also a cosplayer. Other than that, I've got squat."

They stare at him.

"Squat," Ouma deadpans.

" _Squat_?" Saihara says incredulously. "Then how does that make her more suspicious than the other two?"

"Duh, because she's mysterious?" Momota scrutinises her portrait. "Someone who's off the grid except for a few Facebook pics — she's only tagged in them, by the way, she doesn't actually have an account — is  _clearly_  suspicious. There's nothing on the news about her. She's a name on the website, nothing more."

"But, how does that make anybody else  _less_  suspicious?" Saihara prods.

Momota raises his hands in the air. "Look, I've just got a bad feeling about her! Something about her seems... off. It's the same feeling I get when someone feels like an alien."

"You thought I was an alien and that wasn't true," Ouma points out.

"I was ten at the time. Now I know you're just a piece of shit."

"Still," Saihara says, "that's not a good argument when you compare it to the other two."

"Saihara-chan's right! Akamatsu-chan and Amami-chan are way more suspicious! We should look into them immediately!"

Momota squawks. "You're seriously not gonna consider Shirogane?!"

Ouma looks at him blankly and says, "That'd be an absolute waste of time."

"I have to agree with him on that," Saihara says, trying to sound sheepish but really sounding more unimpressed.

Either way, it doesn't seem to bother Momota all that much. "You're the detective," he says to Saihara, flashing him a grin lit by the tint of his computer. The friendliness of it all puts Saihara at ease... but not total complacency. All it takes is one drop of his blood, after all.

"Alright!" Ouma cheers, clutching Saihara by the sleeve. "Let's go through the files right now, get a good headstart—"

" _Kaito~o!_ " a voice sings from below. " _It's time for the ritual~!_ "

Ouma immediately pouts. "Ehh... Angie-chan ruins everything."

"You're telling me," Momota sighs. "Seriously, how many times do I have to tell her..?"

Saihara feels a pang of sympathy for Momota. Until said vampire hands him a drip bag filled with blood, and rats him and Ouma out to their very impatient boss.

Yep, Saihara thinks. This is his life now.

Hoshi's words ring in his ear as he stabs himself with a syringe.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You want to file for leave?"

"Yup! It'll only be for this one fashion show. An~nd maybe a couple more days, depending on what we find."

Toujou regards them carefully. Even though Saihara's come to terms with her being alive slash dead, he still can't look at her without focusing on what's being lightly obscured by her ghostly makeup. In this case, Angie's file cabinets, dotted with intricate hearts.

He looks up though, when she says, "I can pull out the appropriate form but, Angie-san is the one who needs to sign it. She should be with Shinguuji-san at the moment, in the archives."

"Thanks, Mom!" Ouma cheers. "Say, have you made my lunch yet?"

"Not yet. I plan to do so after I clean up Harukawa-san's broken computer."

"Okay! See you, Mom~!"

When he and Saihara exit Angie's office, Saihara asks without missing a beat, "Why do you call her 'Mom'?" Because that seems way too rude, considering the little difference in their age.

"Because Toujou-chan cares for us like a mom. Also, because she  _is_  my mom." Ouma giggles. "But Saihara-chan, we've got more important things to worry about. Like our accommodations, the plane we're catching, if we need a plane in the first place..."

"Ah, we'll need Angie-san's approval first," Saihara points out.

"Don't worry, she'll definitely say yes. After all... she hates Enoshima as much as I do~"

Saihara looks at his partner closely. "That's not a lie, right?" He remembers something and without waiting for an answer, he says, "Whether or not it was, there's something else I want to ask you. You might remember it from yesterday... my question on Enoshima."

Ouma hums. "Does that really matter now?"

"No," Saihara says honestly. "But consider this a trade for my uncle's files on the case I told you about. The one that could be related to, well. Everything."

Ouma's smile stretches impossibly wide. "Saihara-chan is sneaky," he says. "But, that's what makes you not boring. So~o," he singsongs, "I'll give you a basic summary. Starting with my dearest friends. Guess, Saihara-chan! What happened to them, do you think?"

An obvious answer is obvious. "They died," Saihara says.

"Yep! All nine of them."

Wait, _what_?! "N-Nine?!"

"Yep, they all disappeared. Whoosh! All gone, presumed dead... Uwah, it was a very sad time." Ouma sniffles. "Everyone from my evil organization died. Oh, except for Momota-chan, but, he's just an honorary member. He doesn't count."

Saihara gulps. "Ouma-kun, I..." He doesn't finish because, well. Ouma doesn't strike him as someone who'd see the value in condolences. And besides, "Is that why you have a grudge against Enoshima? You think she... indirectly killed your friends?"

"Definitely! Which is why I really, really, really,  _really_  want to shut down whatever she's planning! Enoshima's a  _horrible_  person! Ugh," Ouma sobs, "UwaAAAAHHHHHH!!! I WANNA GET BACK AT HER SO BAD!!"

The tears are fake but the sentiment isn't bullshit, and Saihara can't help but say, "Ouma-kun, calm down! You've — you've held your end of the bargain!" He pulls out his phone. "I'll call my uncle now to see if he sent those files, so we can get to the bottom of this. Okay?"

Ouma promptly stops crying. "Really? You'd do that for me? Ah... Saihara-chan!" he gasps. "You're definitely my favorite out of everybody! Even better than my mom!"

"S-Stop flattering me! And... you shouldn't disrespect your mother like that.."

"Huh? Are you a momma's boy, just like Yumeno-chan is a momma's girl?"

"Hello?" Saihara says pointedly to his phone, ignoring his partner for the time being. "Uncle? It's Shuuichi... Have you sent the files yet?"

" _Eh? The hell you calling me for? Check your email!_ "

"S-Sorry," Saihara stammers, because that  _really_  would've been the smarter thing to do. "So you did send them?"

" _I have. Encrypted them too, in case your new colleagues try to poke into your business. By the way,_ " his uncle adds in a lower pitch, " _a few of them have some fascinating records. Did you know one of them stole from a blood bank? Another killed off a mafia! And a woman there has assaulted quite a few men in public._ "

Saihara chuckles awkwardly. "I'm well aware of those... Thanks, Uncle."

" _Before you go, I found something interesting._ " His uncle grunts. " _You remember the case you helped with, when you were an intern? Fourteen missing persons. You said they once attended the same high school._ "

Saihara stills. "I... remember."

" _Well, when I was looking through the database for Murasame, that case came up. Apparently he was the only one Major Crimes found out of all fourteen. Still alive. Psychologically scarred, but alive. They didn't get much interrogating him, but he did accuse Matsuda of being involved in the others' disappearance. The same Matsuda who allegedly tricked his family into committing suicide._ " A chuckle. " _Isn't that a coincidence? Two cases you ended up helping in, happened to be related. They're cold now, of course, but maybe—_ "

"Sorry Uncle," Saihara interrupts, "I have to go. Really, thanks so much! And, uh, please send those files of the fourteen as well!"

" _What, all of them?_ "

"All of them," Saihara says with renewed vigour. With lingering disbelief. He can't believe what's happening right now.

"Fourteen?" Ouma asks, bouncing on the spot. "Hey, what was that all about?"

"A coincidence," Saihara says, looking at his partner. "An impossible coincidence that could lead to clues, that could lead to answers."

Ouma blinks at him before a sunny smile graces his features. "Really?" He raises his fists in excitement. "Really really? Are you saying we're getting closer to the truth?"

Saihara falters. "Eh? What's wrong, Saihara-chan? Are you still afraid of the truth?" Ouma tuts. "There's no reason to be afraid, you know. You've got me after all! And the rest of us, but, mostly me."

"A-Ah, right." Saihara clears his throat. "You're right, Ouma-kun. I'm just... giddy, I guess. I've found a big connection that could help us. That could help explain everything." Anxiety claws his chest but strangely enough, not the bad kind. "I may be jumping to conclusions, though."

"That's okay. Though you might wanna fill me in on what this big connection is~"

"Oh, right!"

Madness to the method? Or the other way around?

Saihara knows one thing for sure. Ever since he came to SAISHUU, he's started to witness a world beyond comprehension.

... He still doesn't know if that's a good thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got this out! I've been slowly editing and emptying my drafts folder these past few days. If this chapter seems chaotic to you then imagine how Saihara's feeling.


End file.
